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Thereapos;s this strange universe where L. And I�live..... The one where things keep getting better and stronger and more fabulous over the phone and it seems like we fit together and mesh and it just makes sense.� Then weapos;re in front of each other and it all goes to shit. �I mean literally, today could NOT�have gone worse.� I felt like how the heck are you going to make a big deal about coming down for church and to see me and whatnot and then not spend any time with me and act like you donapos;t care to???� I�mean, WTF????� He didnapos;t even offer what are you up to today, can you stay and hang out for a bit, no, he OPENED that car door and put me in it� I was stunned� It was a 5 minute interraction after�8�MONTHS of nothing.� And then to not call and tell me he was coming.� To not look for me at the church or even after church was out.... To go chill and talk to some friend of his and wait for ME�to come up to him and my parents are already in the car and OVER�IT.� I�mean they were like he canapos;t even come over to you and meet us?� I just didnapos;t get it.� My cousin said that he probably had someone else there at the church that he wanted to talk to and didnapos;t want me to be around to mess up his game, BUT he SUFFICIENTLY screwed up MY game by cockblocking Justin and any of the other guys that were there that I MAY want to talk to.� It just felt like I didnapos;t matter to him at all.� Where was the excitement, where was the joy to see me, where was the care, where was the "I Give A Damn?"� It just made my whole day suck.� I just couldnapos;t believe he acted so nonchalant and just like "whatever."�

You know the thing is... Is that he will never know.� He doesnapos;t get it, he doesnapos;t understand what caring about someone is like.� He KNOWS how I feel about him, he knows I like him, want to be with him, I care about him, etc.� He never has to question it, he just knows.� And that gives him the power, that gives him the upper hand.� Because he thinks I will always be there.� I will not always be there.� Is it too much to ask for him to SHOW through his actions what he SAYS he feels over the phone???� It never translates to something tangible when heapos;s in front of me.� Never.� I have never felt like I was this cherished, amazing person that he couldnapos;t stand to be away from, part with or be without.� Iapos;m just someone passing the time for him.� Iapos;m not that person that he canapos;t be without.� So he doesnapos;t deserve to be that person for me.

I have often wondered why he kept popping into my life for all of these years and I think it was to teach me more about myself and what I equate with my self-worth and how that pertains to relationships with guys and not about the fact that heapos;s supposed to be in my life for all time.� I mean yeah, I fell for the guy and I grew to really care for him and trust him and all of those things were important for me to experience and learn how to do.� But, ohhhhhh but.� He is not the right one for me.� Heapos;s not the right one for me to be with, care about as much as I do, none of that.� So I need to get over him.� I need to be done, and over him.� I am OFFICIALLY stating here and now that I WANT to get over him and I donapos;t want him to be a part of my life in that way.

I want and need someone who is crazy about me just as MUCH as I am about them.

He just doesnapos;t know.� He doesnapos;t know what he lost.� But he will.

Does he wonder why I am into him and think that heapos;s not worthy?� Why does he act like he could care less about me??????

Ughhhh.� JERK.

Over him.

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